TRAUMA IS TRAUMA...and HEALING is WITHIN REACH

Most of us have had traumatic life experiences. It’s the utmost extreme of human experience and there is nothing ordinary, expected or standard about it. And the trauma, pain, horror and fear involved can’t be compared to anyone else’s experience. There are no “levels” or “degrees” of trauma. It just is.

One of the most traumatic experiences in my life was breaking my neck and having a spinal cord injury at age 35 which resulted in two months in the hospital and years of physical therapy to get my life back.

How do we move past TRAUMA and PAIN? How do we HEAL?

I think healing is a journey with the goal being recovery and being able to live in the present. It requires lots of SELF-COMPASSION and gentleness. Many people have a lot of anger towards others or they blame themselves for a traumatic event, thinking in some way they brought it on themselves. I used to think if only I hadn’t been riding my bike at 35 mph or if only I didn’t have the competitive bug, I would never have crashed. We can begin to heal when we let go of self-criticism and show ourselves LOVING KINDNESS. We can teach ourselves how to do this through mindfulness, meditation, gentle yoga, doing body scans, and practicing affirmations and gratitude. When we are mindful, we start to notice when we drift back towards self-blame and hostility and we can gently guide ourselves to a more compassionate view of our circumstances. It allows us to soften our hearts and our minds and see how we can change things for the better or maybe accept what we cannot change.

MINDFULNESS allows us to neutrally experience things without judgement. This focused awareness relates to how we interact with our environment and what we are sensing within ourselves. I think it’s key to acknowledge these emotions and feelings as opposed to ignoring or trying to numb them.

Another helpful component to healing is SPIRITUALITY. Trauma can leave us feeling disconnected from God or a higher power and perhaps angry that God or Universe would allow such an awful thing to happen in the first place. The original intent of religion was to help us find purpose and meaning and to enable people to gather in community. Exploring your own spirituality can be so helpful in recovery, whether it’s the tradition you were born into or a new experience. For me, I find great comfort in the faith I was raised in (Catholic) as well as in the meditative, mindful practices of yoga. I love the quote, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

CONNECTING to ourselves and others is another great healing tool. Cultural practices and traditions enable us to foster connection and develop a stronger sense of belonging, identity, and purpose. It was a year or so after my accident that I ventured into the world of yoga. At the time, I could only do restorative yoga, Yamuna body rolling, and other gentle practices, but they helped me find a powerful connection to others. I also attended a bible study, and did some volunteering at my kids’ schools. All were helpful in helping me feel part of a community.

Lastly is developing a strong PERSONAL SUPPORT SYSTEM. We all have the need to be with people who love us and care about us. We all want to be seen, heard and understood. This can be people in your life already such as family, friends, co-workers, neighbors or people you go to church with. Or perhaps it will be new relationships you form. The important thing is that you feel nurtured, comforted and reassured. I was so blessed throughout my recovery to have amazing family and friends who were by my side always. It gave me such a sense of security, stability and love.

These are some of the tools I used in my own recovery and that I use with my one on one coaching clients. I hope you find this helpful on your own journey of healing. We all experience trauma in life, but what happens in our past does not have to define and dominate our present and future. We all have the ability to HEAL and find joy and fulfillment in life.